He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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