how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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