at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
