Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
