i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
