Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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