If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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