College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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