i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
