I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
