mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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