is wine microwaveable?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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