Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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