So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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