8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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