I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
