looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
