Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
