Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
