the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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