I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We need to get me chipped asap
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
