I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
