I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
