i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
