oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just cut my nipple shaving
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well I just put wine in my tea
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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