the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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