i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize