I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am midnight drunk by noon
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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