I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
