am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
