I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you never un-have a 4some
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
