You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize