The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
