they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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