my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
