dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
