I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
