If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
