lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
