I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think my fart just growled at me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
