For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
