My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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