We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
