Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
