I think I died a long time ago.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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