you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
