Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
from now on my penis is your penis
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
