He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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