If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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