I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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