my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
