I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
