shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
