She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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