The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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