So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
