I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
