wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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