Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
