Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
