STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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