I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She bit a glass in half.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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