Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
