i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
