Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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