Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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