just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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