I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
