just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
