I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
